For my birthday last week, Shayne and I spent a luxuriously lazy day in Hot Springs, North Carolina, a sleepy little town known for its natural hot springs about 45 minutes from Asheville.
The Hot Springs Spa sits right on the French Broad river, and is absolutely beautiful. The water is piped in to private little hot tubs that line the river, and your view is peaceful and relaxing as you soak in the goodness of the local water.
We both had massages, and I even had a mud wrap. The mud wrap was a mixed bag for me...on the one hand, I love what it did for my skin, but being wrapped up like a mummy unable to move was really difficult for me. I didn't think I was claustrophobic, but that experience of being encased like a warm sausage will most likely be my last one.
Otherwise, the day was an absolute dream...and we will most definitely be taking advantage of their spa services in the future.
I love October. It's my birthday month as well as our Anniversary month too. We have been married 16 years, together for 19.
October is the relationship month for me...celebrating the day that I came into the world along with the day that I decided to walk in this world in partnership with Shayne.
I feel so fortunate to be able to spend my life with Shayne. The really wonderful thing is that we are both dedicated to growing and changing, so every year our relationship deepens, but it is kept exciting because we are both changing, evolving and continuing to individuate into more of who we are at our cores.
I am learning that life really is about a series of breaths. Looking at my relationship with Shayne, and consciously trying to deepen our connection, I am learning that a long term relationship must breathe. You go and learn, do and experience something that fills you up personally, then you go back into the relationship with a new part of yourself and add it to your shared life by being more of who you are.
My responsibility is to develop myself, continue to expand, take my individual experiences and learnings and bring them back to the fold to share with Shayne. And he does the same thing with me.
A healthy relationship with your other is about coming together after you have been apart. It is, as my friend Terah shared with me, a continual series of compressions and an expansions.
It's ebb and flow. It's breathing. It's sex. The movement..the compression and expansion...is life.
It's what living creatively is at its core. You take something in...you let it flow through you and then you expel...changing it slightly as it goes on to continue evolving and creating its own story.
It's important, of course, to make sure that your beloved other is on the same page about this...too often, we have been taught that to 'live happily ever after' we have to give up our interests, our passions and our curiosity about life and devote our energy towards the other.
That's bullshit. Once you go down that road, you give what you have built of yourself away and end up with nothing left to share or contribute other than slavish devotion to the other, which in time, will turn to contempt and pity from the object of your affection.
This isn't just lip service from me. It happened to me because I walked that particular path during a period in our relationship years ago. I was able to turn it around by going within, and figuring out what lit my own fire.
Once you do that...everything in your life gets infused with your own love light...and relationships with others improve because you are taking care of your own needs and fulfilling what your soul needs to continue evolving.
Today is the beginning of a new cycle with the 72 Angles of the Divine. My friend Terah is finishing up the book and it is about to go to press, but you can order it now, and receive the Daily Wisdoms right into your email until the book arrives. Below is a sample of today's wisdom with the angel VEHUIAH...the first day of the Fall/Winter cycle, which happens to focus on Relationships with Others. For more information, see Terah's Book of Days website.